🌶 Luton 3-4 Arsenal
Plus United vs Chelsea, Villa vs City and the rest of GW15
Back so soon?! It’s great to have you, I know you must be busy, what with Christmas and everything. The good news is that there’s plenty to chat about. For the first time in literal years, City aren’t looking like the best, four teams are battling to be league leaders, and United won a game of football by actually playing well! Crazy.
I’ve made this post free to all – partially because of Christmas goodwill but mainly cos I worked out the lack of comments was because only paid subs could comment, and I cannot for the life of me how to sort that. So please grasp the chance to leave some thoughts - be it on preferred format, style, what you like to learn about or don’t – it’ll really help me shape my content to what the people want.
Plus, between you and me, I have a splitting headache and so tonally a lot of this week’s content might be different, by virtue of my foul mood. I, at least, am excited to see where that takes us. Welcome to Andrew’s Weekly Sports Bulletin, #14.
Luton 3-4 Arsenal
The high-scoring, nail-biting encounter that no one predicted.
Arsenal look to have found that free scoring form that characterised their title challenge last term, with the Gabriels (Martinelli and Jesus) back in the goals. But defensively, they were shaky, which will no doubt irritate Mikel Arteta (not least because he’s irritable at the best of times, let alone when Arsenal struggle against one of the Premier League’s minnows).
Particularly jarring for the manager is that his first choice keeper David Raya is continuing to make errors. For Luton’s second, he was weak coming for the cross, and then let Ross Barkley’s third slip under him for a shot he really should have saved. Aaron Ramsdale was benched when Raya arrived, and rumour has he’s moving on in January, begging the question have Arteta’s mind games backfired?
Arsenal traded blows with Luton for 96 minutes, when at 3-3, £100m summer signing Declan Rice scored to seal it for the Gunners. On balance, probably deserved, but a much more stressful night than fans in red expected. And remember, the value of Luton’s entire squad is about £75m; It's a game of financial imbalance.
And of course, Luton are the other side of this story. They’re establishing themselves as the strongest of the promoted teams, and perhaps against expectation, look to have the best chance of survival of those three. They might be disappointed to concede a last-minute winner at home, but they certainly will have spooked the league leaders and certainly performed above most people’s expectations. Their away form still leaves a lot to be desired, but they’ve made life exceptionally difficult for quality visitors like Liverpool, Spurs and now Arsenal. They’ll remain underdogs, but they’re plucky ones and I’d love them to succeed.
Memorable moment:
🚨 Weewooo it’s the celebration police. Arsenal fans, to put it kindly the most ‘reactive’ in the league, were quick to cry wolf (corruption) when Mikel Arteta was booked for leaving his technical area after celebrating Rice’s winner – the technical area being the small zone by the bench where managers are allowed to roam semi-freely. Think free range hens rather than organic – free but not that free.
Arsenal fans lament bias and picking favourites because their manager was booked when others aren’t, going to the lengths of compiling comparisons to previous managers who have escaped punishment for the same crime. They’ve also set up a GoFundMe to send money to West Ham, as they feel they underpaid for Declan Rice given his quality. These goofy antics cement Arsenal fans as some of the worst in the league, but they are hideously entertaining for their lack of self-awareness.
Manchester United 2-1 Chelsea
I’d predicted (and feared) Snoozefest 2023, for United’s poor record against top half teams and Chelsea’s baffling unpredictability, so loved the high tempo entertainment that evolved at Old Trafford.
The big United news was that an out-of-form, and increasingly stroppy, Marcus Rashford was benched, and it did make a tangible difference. Alejandro Garnacho, on Rashford’s preferred wing, seemed not just sharper, able to find that extra yard of pace, and visibly was more motivated. I’ve constantly criticised United for a lack of urgency and their slow build up play, but last night they looked to move the ball with speed and generate chances quickly.
The analysis I’ve seen post-match has rightly highlighted United’s positive mentality shift, but I think overly so. Chelsea were definitely disorganised and languid in their game, but they were not passengers in the contest.
I’ve read Rob Green, ex-England keeper and BBC pundit, assess how United could’ve been three goals up at half time and how Chelsea never got a look in. I’d say that’s not quite true – I lost count how many times Sterling, Mudryk or Jackson sprinted forward before fluffing really good chances before half time, when the game was open. In fact, Cole Palmer’s equaliser meant the spoils were shared at the break. There was no reason why Chelsea couldn’t have got something from this match, they just weren’t clinical and then fell off in the second period. The home side were the better team, no doubt, but it’s not as comfortable as many have suggested.
United miraculously are only three points behind neighbours City, but the narrative probably remains the same for both them and Chelsea – they crave consistency, but that’s easier said than done.
Memorable moment:
Scott McTominay is blooming into a matchwinner for United. His partnership in defensive midfield with Brazilian Fred became the meme that typified United’s poor squad under Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. McFred, as they were (un)affectionately known, are no more, but McTominay has been in stellar form for club and country this season.
His two goals yesterday means he has five goals in his last eight (before this, he averaged a goal every 10 games) – not bad for someone that thought he would be out the club in the summer. With United’s forwards not scoring (like, at all), his goals cannot be undervalued, and for the time being, he’s almost single-handedly carrying the club and saving Erik Ten Hag’s job.
Aston Villa 1-0 Manchester City
This was the game for Aston Villa to show their credentials against the most formidable of opposition, and boy did they snatch the chance.
They not only beat the reigning English and European champions, they totally outplayed them. Villa Park was bouncing long before Leon Bailey’s decisive finish mid-way through the second half, and the fans were able to soak up an imperious performance. Villa controlled proceedings, limiting City to just two shots in the entire match, in doing so becoming only the second team to stop them scoring. Their pressing of City players on the ball was aggressive and well-coordinated, while in possession they were calm, assured. Creative, determined, inspired, Villa were better in all aspects, and deserved winners – a rare achievement.
I’ve combed the results from all City’s campaigns back to Pep’s first season in 2016, and I’m confident this is the first time under his tutelage they’ve ever gone four league games without winning. For most teams, this would be a mere form slump, but City have won 5 of the last 6 titles – it’s unheard of in recent years for them to be this poor (and I don’t want to brag, but I did say trouble was brewing). You can bet your house they’ll come back strong late in the season, but it’s worth highlighting this incredible anomaly.
While I’m sure Unai Emery’s pre-season plan wasn’t to challenge for the title, Villa now sit third. At best, I think European football (i.e. better than about seventh) would’ve been the aim but now that they’re flying, who’s to say they are incapable of aiming higher? Stranger things have happened.
City will be desperate to pick up three points against Luton this weekend, but as Arsenal experienced, the Hatters will put up a fight. It’s not even Christmas, so let’s not be hasty, but I’d really excited to see how the title race will shape up; it might be one for the ages.
Memorable moment:
Emi Martinez, Villa keeper, made a splendid double save from Erling Haaland to keep the scores at 0-0. Martinez, for all his dislikeable antics, is a sensational keeper at his best – lesser talents may well have struggled to mollify the Norwegian’s attempts, and cost Villa all three points.
Inexplicably this bulletin is longer than usual, despite my hopes for brevity. I’d wanted to talk about Everton’s cruising past Newcastle too, but I’m sure there’ll be plenty of opportunity to talk about them again.
Thanks for sticking with it, and with me - the last newsletter was the most read by my subscribers, so hopefully that points to something going well. Back to schedule next week, tell your friends and I’ll see you on Tuesday!
This is what it’s like behind the velvet curtain, a sneak peek behind the paywall. Either that means you’ll never be tempted to upgrade or I might somehow convince someone to pay me to write these.
Andrew’s Honest Haiku (h)Assessment
Declan Rice wins games.
Hundred mil? Cheaper than chips
In ThEsE FisCaL TiMeS!!Zing haha amirite guys. (I went to a comedy show this week, biting political satire is coursing through my veins. The word economy also had too many syllables and I’m just not in the mood).
FPL Corner
Awful week. Like so so bad. Only ONE player in my team returned. ONE. And he only played half an hour before going off injured for god sake. I hate it here.
Two injuries have enforced my two transfers this week, and sadly they’re intensely dull. Mitchell and Mbeumo out, Palmer (🤢) and Trent in. Tread carefully before you @ me for being dull and not following my own advice, though - I’m actually very upset by the number of people that’ve brought in Martin Dubravka. Don’t tell me I’ve made stinky boring transfers if you’re out here wasting precious moves on a keeper. (And I hate to say I told you so, but Newcastle concede multiple goals because they’re tired and made bad mistakes late on?? If only someone predicted that, just last week, and told you all??? HmmMMmM 🤔).
My enforced transfers do mean that Evan Ferguson gets another week in my team, which I’m not happy about. Coupled with a Liverpool 12:30 kick off on Saturday (never back the early kick off, he says, yet has tripled up on Liverpool players), I’d be lying if I said I had good vibes for the upcoming GW. We’ll wait and see.
Hot take: Wolves defenders for a budget option
Annoyingly since I wrote this the FPL scout has put Craig Dawson in his selection, so it’s less hot and more of a tepid take. But, they’ve got good fixtures and both Toti and Max Kilman are cheap and have low ownership. Partner with Hwang if you’re feeling super spicy.
Avoid the bandwagon: Martin Dubravka
As long as people keep bringing him in, I will keep reiterating my point. Is it lazy? Yes. Do I care? Also yes, clearly, but I’m making a point.
Overall rank: 1.4m 📉
Current mini-league position: 4th